Don't Underestimate the value of Kindness & Compassion

Hi Everyone!

As usual, I had no idea what I wanted to write about this time around. So much has happened in the past few weeks. It would be taking the easy way out by writing how much the horrific events of the past couple weeks were just that...or to write about the need for this or that in terms of regulating the sale of assault weapons or the need for better healthcare for people with mental issues...or the fact that the middle class is going to be the ones suffering, yet again, when all the "deals" to prevent the United States from falling off the "cliff" are put into motion. I could even write about trying to keep your stress level to a minimum at your family gatherings during the holidays... But you know what? It just seems pointless. It's all been said and apparently, from the looks of things, no one is listening... or paying attention.

So, I have a few random things on my mind and I'm just going to list them and move on. Will this be your "Happy-cuddly-warm-wishing-you-the-best" holiday blog? I don't think so. Will it make you think? I hope so. But if it doesn't then that's my problem. Not yours. I would HOPE it makes you pause for at least a second to "reflect" and "ponder" (That word is funny. Reminds me of the whole bible thing where Mary is pondering. What was she pondering about?)

(1) The Salvation Army. Those people are out there doing their thing. Ringing their bell. Hoping for just your small change in their buckets. Give it to them. You don't need it. "Raindrops Make a Flood"...remember. Then after you do that remember that people aren't only "needy" from Thanksgiving to December 25th. People need all year round. People need help all year long. Not just during the holidays. Maybe thinking about how you can help during the other months of the year would be a good idea. Even if it's just writing a $5.00 check every month and sending it off. I you put Good out there Good comes back.

(2) Gifts are THINGS. We all don't need anymore THINGS. You know what we need? More compassion. More empathy. More kindness. These are not THINGS. These should be necessities.

(3) There is no war on Christmas. You know how all you hear in the media about how no one wants to say Christmas Tree...or Christmas celebration? Yadda yadda yadda. Get over it people. I know many people (myself included) who do not participate in any particular religion or ANY religion. I know many people who are devout Christians. I know many people who celebrate Hanukkah. I know a few atheists. So what? Celebrate the way you want. I don't care if it's called a Christmas Tree. If it makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone else do what you want to do! If you don't celebrate...then don't celebrate. But please respect the ones who do. Don't tear down people because they think differently. Be tolerant. Please. (I know I'm going to get flak about this paragraph....)

(4) This recent violent act has our country reeling. Many people are speaking without thinking. Many people (groups) are speaking after thinking and still not getting it right. Many people are suggesting knee-jerk reactions to a complicated yet SOLVABLE situation. There is no question that a serious dialogue and serious action needs to be taken. However, let's remember this violence happens everywhere. We are focused on the schools, yet I hear of kids/adults being gunned down standing on street corners. You know about the movie theatre violence that happened. I am devastated by this recent elementary school shooting. I have two nieces that are 6 and 9. If something ever happened to them like this our entire family would be shattered. HOWEVER, we need to focus on the full issue of violence-not just violence in schools. Violence in general from guns to road rage to physical to verbal violence. Violence is violence...and it comes in many shapes and sizes.

(5) Our country needs to come out of the dark ages and acknowledge and treat PROPERLY people with mental illnesses. We need to educate and inform in this area a whole lot better. We need to remove the stigma of mental illness so we can treat and help people better. We fail as a country if we cannot help our most vulnerable- this not only includes our children but people with disabilities and mental illness. It is SHAMEFUL that certain members of congress voted down the UN Disabilities Treaty recently. Absolutely shameful. You have all heard it before...your team is only as strong as your weakest link. These people are our most vulnerable and we are failing them.

(6) I am tired of politics. Just get something done. We voted you in to help our country. Do the right thing. Why is it so hard for our elected officials to do the RIGHT thing?

I know it's the time of the year where we should be wishing each other good will and happiness. And I do wish everyone that. But if I could wish anyone and everyone anything...anything at all...it would be to go about your day with a bit more kindness. A little kindness goes a long way. In terms of all the issues above, if everyone involved had serious dialogue and approached this dialogue with KINDNESS and compassion there is no doubt progress would happen...and quickly. Set aside your differences. I was going to say "petty" differences, but that would minimize people's feeling and I don't want to do that. These differences are serious. However, they can be overcome with some kindness. If you could approach every issue...every conflict... from a base of kindness and compassion we could resolve a lot of problems we face right now.
Please don't underestimate the value of kindness.

Thank you for reading this year. Please stick with me next year as well. My goal is to be more consistent in my postings. I appreciate everyone who has read my ramblings and commented. Thank you from the bottom of my heart :)
Have a wonderful rest of 2012!!!! The year did not end!!!! See you in 2013!!!!

What do you stand for? What do you believe?

    

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Hi Everyone!

With the Holidays just a few short hours away I wanted to be thoughtful. I wanted to post something about de-stressing during the Holidays. I wanted to have some sure-fire, brand new advice on how to handle all the hype and barrage of advertising. I wanted to tell everyone that all those beautiful scenes you see on the television and magazines are really not how it happens. I wanted to remind people that all those lovely "scenes" are designed to get you to buy their products. I wanted to say that the Holidays should be celebrated in your heart...That I would make a hefty bet that anyone who cares about you and loves you would rather have your presence than presents. I wanted to tell everyone that everything would be ok...you'll get through the next month and a half and everything will return to normal.

Then I thought...there are people out there that all of this doesn't matter to. They could give a damn about "getting back to normal" or about what gift they will or will not receive. They don't SEE magazines or television. And they certainly would have no need for "de-stressing tips"...their lives ARE stress. These people live in countries, neighborhoods and cities where they are in danger simply because they are standing up for their beliefs and what they think is right. 

Who are these people, you ask? They're everywhere. Half a world away and right next door. They are doctors, lawyers, janitors, cashiers, waitresses...blue collar and white collar alike. And they are standing up for what they believe.

I see it every single time I teach for SEASPAR. I see parents standing up for the rights of their children to be included and participate in life to the fullest. I see these parents and wonder where the heck they get their strength.

I see it in many parents of my private students and students at the Darien Park District. These parents are juggling work, health problems, other children, disabilities of their own and their children. Some of them are struggling with providing the best for their children while their marriages have either fallen apart or are currently degrading. All they want is for their children to be happy.

I recently traveled to Washington, D.C. (actually Reston, VA) to celebrate my youngest niece's birthday. I usually try to stay to myself. Read my Kindle. Stay in my own bubble.

Well, that didn't happen. And I'm glad it didn't. When I got my seat on the plane I was slightly dismayed that I had a seatmate. The middle seat was vacant and i had the window but I just wanted to be by myself. Kinda funny. Didn't happen. The gentleman that sat down was a flight attendant for the airline. He was deadheading back to D.C. Then taking a car to his home in Charlotte. He hadn't seen his husband in a week. Too long, he said. Their agreement is no longer than 2-3 days. But he needs to work when he can. We got talking. And you know what I found out? Him and his partner got married in Massachusetts. Then made the conscious decision to live in Charlotte...not the most "equality friendly" state in the union. He does not "flaunt" his decision to be married. He us certainly not an "in your face" kind of guy. As a matter of fact he was married and has 2 kids...and 6 grandchildren. I could go on and on. But let me tell you-THIS is a person who knows what he believes in and is not to show what he stands for. 

I deplaned and went to baggage claim. There was an older gentleman there pushing someone in a wheelchair. He was from India. He has been here for 15 years. He came with his son. His immediate concern? Teach his son and himself English. Has had and still has several jobs to live. But he still says he wouldn't live in any other country. He has yet to get the rest of his family here, but he is saving enough for one at a time. He hopes to have his entire family here before he dies. Believes in hard work pays off. That's what he believes.

All of the people during this difficult election who worked tirelessly to get their points across...they believed something and acted on it. Regardless of what side you fell on, you certainly knew where people stood. Disturbing in some cases but definitely enlightening. But you know what? These people stood up for their beliefs. THAT at least is commendable.

As I write this, the conflict with Israel and Palestine has escalated to an absolute horror. Admittedly, I do not understand the whole situation. However, I DO understand that people are dying and being killed. I also understand that for some reason their beliefs are so strong that neither side can compromise. I wonder why that is. After watching the news, it hit me- do I have anything that I would stand for and believe in like these people do? 

Is there anything or anyone that I believe in SO much that I would gladly put my life on the line for?  There is. There are several.

However, my question is to YOU. What do YOU stand for? What do YOU believe in? What would YOU put your life on the line for? 

Think about this during the next month and a half. Every time you want to pick up "just one more" useless gift...or "just a little bit more"... think about what it REALLY means in the grand scheme of things. Will it really matter if there is one more toy under that tree? Or would it matter more if you, as a person, were the best person you could be for everyone around you? What would your friends, family, people who love and care about you rather have a present... or your PRESENCE? 

Then maybe after the Holidays, you will continue the thought of being the best you can be...standing up for what you believe in ... helping instead of hindering. 

That's my big "advice" for the Holidays. 

Presence before Presents. Always works.

Thanks for reading. Have a fantastic Holiday season. As always eat well, stay healthy and be happy.

What happened to Civility and Common Courtesy?

Hi Everyone!

If you have read my posts before, you have seen that I ask a lot of questions. I think even when I was younger I asked a lot of questions (my Mom can probably attest to that!) The questions I ask here are somewhat rhetorical, but sometimes do require answers. Sometimes not easy answers or even comfortable answers. And this is where we are at today.

We, as a nation, have an extremely important day coming up soon. Election Day. Now, I'm not going to sit here and tell you who to vote for and why MY party is the better party or what this guy did that was bad or why this guy is bad...yadda yadda yadda. However, I AM going to talk about how this election has seemed to bring out the worst in people. I have seen shocking disrespect. I have read so many pieces that smack of nastiness and incivility. It's almost like people are thinking it's "ok" to behave so abhorrently because they can.

Well, I'm here to tell you you can't. Yup, put me on record as saying if you cannot say,write or produce something with civility and common courtesy, without personally attacking or insulting another human being, then you should not put it out there. Period. Call me old fashioned. Call me what you want. But I am TIRED of seeing the nastiness. It's not just from our political parties...it's even friends of mine on Facebook and relatives. They put things out there, hiding behind the "mask" of the Internet and write things that would never, EVER be acceptable to say to someone personally.

I am a firm believer that you can get your point across with civility and common courtesy. I am a Music Teacher. I say this all the time to anyone who will listen. Music is a fantastic way of putting your message out there. However, do we really NEED to use profanity to get the point across? I hear so many song lyrics that would be amazing...if not for the profanity. There has got to be another way of getting your point across.

There is a quote that I heard a while back. It goes- "If you cannot be loving you can be kind. If you cannot be kind you can be polite. If you cannot be polite, then you should go home". (Go home in this sense meaning be quiet.)

I understand completely the ramifications of another presidency with President Obama. I understand completely the ramifications of a Governor Romney presidency. They are two different visions for our country. That's the way it is. However, I do not understand watching debates with so much disrespect and lack of courtesy from two people and their staff who are vying to be the leader of the greatest nation in the world. 

And if we have our leaders acting this way it's very much like the "Trickledown effect". Look at the others running for office...then look at the people promoting them...then look at your neighbors...then your friends and family. This disrespect and incivility has trickled down all the way to your backdoor. And it needs to stop.

Recently, I had a relative of mine send me a picture of First Lady Michelle Obama. She was obviously not dressed in the most "First Lady-ish" type of dress. Honestly, it was quite unattractive for an usually well put together woman. But it wasn't her outfit that shocked me. It was the caption and the description that made me angry. The title in the e-mail said "Hoochie Mama"...then the e-mail went on to personally insult the First Lady of the United States of America. Not only was it a completely lack of respect but it was racist as well. Not acceptable.

I have seen posts about "getting all the leeches" off public assistance. REALLY? Seriously? "Leeches"? So, my Mother who is getting a disability check is a leech? My Special Needs students who get Social Security are leeches? My DAUGHTER who is getting student loans from the government (public assistance!) is a LEECH? A friend who is going to school on the GI Bill because he served as a Marine is a leech? Come on people! Civility!

Then getting away from the political aspect of it all- Is it "old-fashioned" of me to expect the person in front of me to, at the very least, hold the door for me? What about holding the door for the person behind you? The excuse "I didn't see the person" is rubbish. Take the time to look and make sure you are not inadvertently being rude. That might mean being less self-absorbed. And we could ALL be a little less self-absorbed.

I have heard from people that tell me my "rules of engagement" are old-fashioned and not applicable in today's environment. I think they are wrong. Civility is always a rule to go by. Followed by Common Courtesy and then Respectfulness, Consideration and Grace.

Do I always follow these rules? No. Not by a long-shot. But do I make the attempt? Yes. Absolutely. You HAVE to. Why put yourself in the position of living with so much negativity and cynicism? Why choose pessimism over optimism? It has been proven by many studies that your state of mind affects your overall health immensely. 

I like to think my "Rules of Engagement" keep me healthier.(Except in traffic!)What are YOUR "Rules of engagement"? 

For the next couple of weeks before the election, I challenge each and every one of you to go through your daily lives with Civility and Common Courtesy. If you can fit some Respectfulness, Consideration and Grace in there, as well, that would be amazing. These next couple of weeks will be tense. Everyone wants their opinion heard. There will be many, many people putting "things" out there. If you are one of them, I ask you to please do it with Civility and Common Courtesy.

As always, thanks for reading!! Be healthy, Eat well and be happy!!

Until next time...

Tolerance- Are we being asked for too much?

Hi Everyone!

My column today is something that has been on my mind(and everyone else's) for a while. And while I was thinking about this blog, I was very conflicted on how to present it so I was not focusing too much on one specific incident that has tested our (Americans and people in general) tolerance level. 

Yes, I am talking about the Hate-film "The Innocence of Muslims". After the 14 minute excerpt of this "piece" was posted on YouTube, many, many people-from Radical Islamics to Christians to the Non-Religious to Americans to scores of people around the world-have had their tolerance levels tested. I know I have. And I can tell you that as a whole my tolerance level is in the "red zone". I am almost depleted of tolerance on all levels at this point. I am not just speaking about this situation with the hate-film, I am speaking about behavior that we are all asked to tolerate in general that is NOT acceptable, yet under our "American Value System" we are not only asked, but EXPECTED to tolerate. 

Websters definition...

Definition of TOLERANCE

1: capacity to endure pain or hardship  2a : sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own b : the act of allowing something 3: the allowable deviation from a standard; especially : the range of variation permitted in maintaining a specified dimension in machining a piece

I was running my idea for this blog by the Master Gardener last night and just throwing out ways within the past couple of weeks where I have been asked-whether it be directly through active participation or indirectly by assumption, to tolerate bad behavior and/or manners. And I think as Americans, we are asked to tolerate a whole lot. 

Don't get me wrong-I am a very strong proponent of Freedom of Speech, of the basic right as an American and basic/key part of our Constitution to be able to express myself without worry of being censored or harmed for my views. Our Founding Fathers set up our constitution with incredible foresight and this document has served as our "rock"- as our guiding principles that has set us apart from EVERY OTHER NATION in the world. We enjoy and take for granted most of the freedoms that people actually go to war for in other countries. 

HOWEVER- in the case of the 1st Amendment-have we been asked for TOO much? Has it gone too far to ask us to tolerate some of the behavior we have seen in the recent years? When and how do we turn from tolerating a situation to saying, "Hey! that's enough!!" ??? This amendment was intended to allow people the freedom of expression even if the message was not one everyone agreed about. This includes speech, religion, press and the right to assemble peacefully. But what happens when a person's 1st Amendment freedoms overstep the boundaries of decency and good sense? What happens when one person's freedom of speech and expression is tasteless and affects another person's quality of life? What happens when one person's hate is masqueraded behind the principles of the 1st Amendment? What happens when MY rights to live MY life are affected by someone else's "opinions" and "hates"?

These are all valid questions. In terms of freedom of expression-I have seen bad behavior masked behind this umbrella many, many times. How man times have you heard "Well, he was just expressing himself."? Or "She has the right to say that."?

Example 1: I was in a coffee shop the other day. This woman was in front of me and could not make up her mind. She hemmed and hawed...looking back at the forming line of people behind her, saying she was just having a hard time deciding. Now, instead of allowing people to go ahead of her she just kept on. Delaying everyone behind her to the point where some people left. THAT was bad behavior. Expecting people to "tolerate" her indecisiveness. Yet, the coffee shopworkers were too uncomfortable to call her on her rudeness. Should we be expected to tolerate someone's rudeness when it affects us?

Example 2: The recent story of how a family with a Down's Sydrome child was denied boarding on a flight because the child was out of control in the waiting area. The family had purchased tickets in First Class, and apparently their child was having a bad day and could not be controlled, even by the parents in the waiting area, so the airline staff made the decision to not allow them to board because they thought the child would disrupt everyone one else on the flight, due to the behavior he was exhibiting. Where do you side on this? I'll tell you I have flown 100's of times and on my longer flights I get that sinking feeling in my stomach when I see a toddler board and sit near me. Don't get me wrong, Hana(my daughter) has flown since she was 3 weeks old. She flew as a toddler internationally and domestically. However, I never tolerated ANY bad behavior from her and she knew it. I can honestly say, that not once in her 19 years was there EVER any tantrums or bad behavior on a plane. So, my toleration level for unruly children on planes is next to zero. In terms of the situation above, I will tell you if I purchased a ticket in 1st Class and this child-special needs or not-behaved out of control- I would have been angry. YET- where do you draw that line of the parents/family having the right to fly on a flight where they had purchased tickets? Their outrage was they thought thought they were being discriminated against for having a special needs child. That is ridiculous! They were being called out on the bad behavior of their child. Period. There was no discrimination there. The airline would have done the same thing even if the child was not special needs. (I have a high tolerance level in regards to special needs people. I work with them. A good portion of my salary if from doing work with special needs. I full appreciate the challenges that go along with having a disability.) 

Example 3: The right of this so-called "film-maker" to make a hate film called "The Innocence of Muslims". This, I feel, is the most blatant exploitation of our 1st Amendment. This film was not intended to inform or entertain. No, this film's ONE AND ONLY intention was to incite hate. To promote hate. To prove that one set of people were inherently violent. It's aim was to prove that provocation of a set of people would always result in that set of people turning to violence to protest. And guess what? The film accomplished it's goals. Yup. It said terrible things about a religion. It said that the religion and it's followers were violent. And look what happened? The violence that erupted throughout the Islam community has validated this movies message. And you know what else? We, as Americans, are being asked, yet again, to tolerate another view under our Freedom of Expression rights. 

This film excerpt is despicable. However, this man had the right under our 1st Amendment to make this film. But did he have the right to make this film with the intention to cause violence? Does your 1st Amendment right give you the right to intentionally, knowingly cause violence? I don't think so. Your Freedom of Expression and your Freedom to practice your religion does not give you the right to INTENTIONALLY cause violence. Where is that line between freedom of speech and flat out hate? 

Have we allowed hate groups, rude people and bad behavior to be excused, tolerated and masked behind our 1st Amendment? Have we allowed to blatant disrespect and nastiness of people like the Westboro Baptist Church to preach their hate under the guise of the 1st Amendment? 

When does this stop? When will we, As Americans, stand up and say we have had enough? When will we stop letting the exploitation of our Constitution and Amendments be the excuse to allow hate and violence?

And on a more basic level, when will all this bad behavior end? In example 1-why didn't the lady have common sense and step aside while she decided? Example 2- why didn't the family recognize that the best thing for all concerned was to take the time and get the child under control, then take the next flight? Example 3- why did the Islamic community insist on believing this hate-film was approved by the US government? They insist that we do not understand their views but obviously, they don't have a clue about how the United States of America is run in regards to our Constitution and Amendments either. 

I think my "Toleration Level" is at a dangeroulsy low spot. We may not be able to change people's views. We may not be able to even understand where some people are coming from. Heck, we may even disagree COMPLETELY with the way someone believes. We may even believe that we are entitled to behave as we please because of our freedoms here. It doesn't matter. 

But the one thing that MUST define us is our compassion and understanding that our views will differ. We are all different. All around the world people practice different belief systems. Whose is right and whose is wrong? I don't know.

There will be no solution to the human conflict when it comes to belief systems in the world. But you know what you CAN do? Make a point to not tolerate bad behavior. I should have said something to that woman in the coffee shop. As far as the hate-film, I am saying it now: the film was despicable and the reactions of the radical (and not so radical) Islamics was just as contemptible.

Bad behavior, racism, discrimination only gets worse when it is tolerated.

Don't tolerate it. It will make you a better person.  

Thanks for reading!!! As always eat well, stay healthy and promote happiness!!!

Perseverance...Do you have it? I know a LOT of people who do...

Hello everyone!

I hope your summer was a great one. I know mine is winding down and I am beginning to prepare for my Fall classes which include a LOT of Holiday prep!!

As I was looking at my classes and trying to decide on music choices for each class and student, I got around to looking at my SEASPAR classes that I teach. Once again I was reminded of the strength of all of my students AND their families/friends/assistants. After contemplating this for a while, I moved on to my students at the Darien Park District, then my home voice students. Then all of their friends and families... And I thought "What an amazing group of people I work with!". I have to say these students work extremely hard and their parents are fantastically supportive. I like that (can you tell?) :)

Then I thought about a common quality ALL of my students and their parents/families possessed. And regardless of whether it's my SEASPAR students OR my park district students or home students I found the one quality they all had in common is PERSEVERANCE. And with that quality came along INTEGRITY and DIGNITY.

Websters defines Perseverance as :continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition.

ABSOLUTELY!!!! My SEASPAR students and care givers embody this quality. I have seen the prejudice my students come up against. I have witnessed my students conducting themselves with integrity and dignity when faced with some ignorant, less-than-compassionate peers AND adults. And I often think to myself- Would I EVER be that good? Would I EVER have that much strength of character to look people in the eye, stand my ground and convey to them that I am just as good and competent as they are? I don't know. But these kids have it in "spades". And do you know why they have it? Because they have care givers (family and others) who have taught them...who have lead by example and said, you know what? Just because you are different it doesn't mean you are any less of a person and it certainly doesn't mean you cannot have expectations, goals and dreams. And then do you know what these care givers do? They help, push, cajole and support these guys to the "Nth" degree to help them realize their dreams. I have no idea how they do it. All I know is that I'm not so sure I could do what any of these people-students AND care givers-do. It's just my job to help it happen!!!!!

As far as my Park District and home students go- they have different challenges, but they are just as real and just as difficult. We live in a town/area that has a high emphasis on athletics. And sometimes kids who are not shining athletes get "lost". Music and the Arts are STILL the first programs to be cut out of school and kids lives despite the overwhelming proof that Music and the Arts are just as important in a children's growth and learning as any other subject. And then to be constantly being bombarded with news about how we are an obese nation, it's no wonder athletics is being pushed on all these kids. Don't get me wrong-I believe in exercise wholeheartedly!! I ride my bike, get on the treadmill, lift weights and try to walk as much as possible. I HIGHLY encourage dancing in any form! However, there are quite a few kids that don't want to be on the soccer team...don't want to play basketball, volleyball, baseball, track etc... That's where music and the arts come into play.

With all that being said-it is very difficult for a lot of my students to continue and PERSEVERE with their music studies. "Fitting in" is PARAMOUNT in middle school and highschool. No one wants to be on the outside. But my students? They keep at their music. Challenging themselves with the music they pick(and with the music I pick!) and manage to turn out FLAWLESS performances despite the pressures of not being brilliant athletes! And my hat tips to their families as well. They are supportive and willing to let these guys take these risks. And I have to thank them for trusting me to be the safety net if they should ever fall. I take that task very seriously. Not only is it a difficult task to be a parent in general, but a parent of a creative/artistic/talented child is challenging as well. And I appreciate ALL of the care givers of my students for this.

All of this thinking on Perseverance and how ALL of my students and care givers have this in abundance could "bring you down"...make you think you don't have this kind of quality in yourself when you look at the obstacles and challenges these people go up against every day. It COULD do that. But it won't.

I look at this quality and think "Man!!! If they can have that kind of Perseverance, I can, at the very least, try as well." If they can conduct themselves with Integrity and Dignity there is no reason why I cannot too. 

Persevere...in everything. Choose to be kind and through inner perseverance conduct yourselves accordingly. The only thing we, as individuals have control over, is HOW we react to situations and challenges. Choose to react positively and with integrity and dignity. 

To do this requires PERSEVERANCE. Everybody has it. It's just some work a little harder at using it. 

Perseverance builds Integrity which strengthens your Dignity. Try it.

Thanks for reading. As always stay healthy, eat well and be happy!!

PS... Do you know someone who has persevered through all kinds of challenges? Let me know below! Let's give them "shout outs" and recognize them!!!!! Who do yo know that embodies PERSEVERANCE, INTEGRITY and DIGNITY?

Picture Quote of the Day

What is Courage? Who are the Courageous people in your life?

Hi Everyone!

Hopefully, you've all been keeping as cool as you can with this heat! This is crazy!!!!

Anyhow, as usual I was waiting for a subject to "come to me" before blogging and, frankly, I was getting worried because I couldn't make my mind up.

Then I saw it. I had finally had a few minutes to browse through what was going on in my Facebook account. Scrolled down to see the funny (and sometimes not so funny) pictures/cartoons/sayings. I read about some of the things my "friends" had been up to. Then I came across a post from someone I knew in college. 

To give you a bit of background- when I was a jr. in high school the community college in my area (Onondaga Community College) allowed me to take minimal classes in high school and spend most of my time at college getting a "jump" on my career path. I was 16 when I entered college and successfully juggled high school and college for two years. I was one of the youngest people in my college program (Music) and when looking back, I can say with all honesty, that at the time I thought I knew the "deal". I thought I was so "mature" and handled everything so well. Well, hindsight being 20/20 and all, when I think back about those times sometimes I cringe at how naive and "young" I really was. But I digress.

The person from my college whose post I saw was always someone who I wanted to know better, but somehow never did. I remember admiring him and his talent. I remember seeing him in productions and seeing him perform (whether it was performing or playing) and wondering how in the heck someone could have that much talent in one body! Looking back, I can say I was pretty intimidated by him, but back then I saw things a lot differently.

Fast forward 30 years. (WOW!)Facebook is here and he was nice enough to accept my friend request. Throughout the years I had heard what he was up to. Never paid too much attention. You know how that is...your own life takes center stage!! The past few months I have been skimming over what's going on in his life. And what he has done has made me admire him all over again. Up until last week, my admiration was pretty general, not over the top etc... He had done well. Has been living with his partner for 30 years. They have two children. His partner has been a successful performer on Broadway and now is a successful teacher. He had a successful career as well, and now has an Aveda salon. All of this was fantastic and as anyone would react, I was/am happy for him.

Then I saw his post. Al and David had been together for 30 years. They have two children (beautiful!) and every picture I have seen of these guys they have radiated happiness. Then this post. They were holding their annual BBQ and surprised all of their friends by making it their wedding day. So, much to all of the guests surprise Al and David, after 30 YEARS of being together, FINALLY were legally married. The ceremony and comments by each of them were beautiful. And both of their children were right by their sides when they did this. Fantastic.

So, why do I tell you this? Because my subject today is about COURAGE. And this is one of the finest examples of Courage I have seen. Websters defines courage as: Mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear or difficulty. Synonyms: Mettle, spirit, resolution and tenacity.

And in my book, staying together, raising two children together, making no apologies for who they are and how they live their lives, takes an awful lot of Courage. Living in a small town, two men together and raising two children is not an easy task (raising children in general in not an easy task). They have been together through the 80's where the bias, discrimination and hate of same-sex couples was rampant. They lived together during the 90's where it was just becoming a "little" acceptable to stand up for your personal rights to love who you choose. And now the new millennium where game changing has been the norm and the laws regarding same-sex marriages and civil unions are making enormous strides forward. 

They had the COURAGE to live their lives as they wanted regardless of prejudice and dicrimination. To me that is courageous.

There are many, many public figures, famous people, personalities in the news etc...who flaunt their "courageousness", who want you to see them do courageous deeds, who sometimes only act courageously when they know it will be seen and heard and broadcast.

What I challenge you to do is this: look around you. Look at your friends and acquaintances. Where do you see courage? In my experience the most courageous people are ones who do what they do with no fanfare and no expectation of accolades. They just DO.

So, tell me...who are the courageous people in your life? And when you find them, how do you celebrate them? Maybe it's just a matter of thanking them. Maybe that's where we should begin. 

If you do one thing today to make a difference thank the courageous people in your life. You won't be sorry you did. And neither will they.

Thanks for reading! As always stay healthy, eat well and be happy!!!!

New Products from Raindrops Make a Flood Shop!

Check out my newest products in the RMF Shop!!!!!!!! Personally, I kinda like the dark one better:)

List of things to worry about, not worry & think about

List of things to worry about, not worry and think about

Hi Everyone!

Wow! It has been some month. I have to say that the biggest and most disturbing story of the month has got to be the conviction of Jerry Sandusky. His conviction validates the 12 young men's claims of abuse and also has another chilling effect- it brings to surface a parents unconscious (and sometimes very conscious) fear of their child being abused.

While I personally believe we must be vigilant and closely screen everyone our children come in contact with, we need to look at the bigger picture in terms of being too protective and worrying needlessly. 

Corrie Ten Boom said it perfectly, "Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.".  We need to "pick" our worries wisely.

As I was researching the whole concept of worrying I came across a letter that F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote to his 11-year old daughter. It is wonderful. It is wise. And it is still relevant today, almost 80 years later. In this letter he gave her HIS list of what he believes are valid "worries", what are not and a few things to "think about". Here they are:

Things to Worry About

Worry about courage

Worry about cleanliness

Worry about efficiency

Worry about horsemanship

Things Not to Worry About

Don't worry about popular opinion

Don't worry about dolls

Don't worry about the past

Don't worry about the future

Don't worry about growing up

Don't worry about anyone getting ahead of you

Don't worry about triumph

Don't worry about failure unless it comes through your own fault

Don't worry about mosquitoes or flies

Don't worry about parents

Don't worry about boys

Don't worry about disappointments

Don't worry about pleasures

Don't worry about satisfactions

Things to Think About

What am I really aiming at?

How good am I really in comparison to my contemporaries in regard to: 

(a) Scholarship

(b) Do I really understand about people and am I able to get along with them?

(c) Am I trying to make my body an useful instrument or am I neglecting it?

These are all very valid points, however, I would add two more to the List of Things to Worry About-Dignity and Integrity. Sometimes we, as parents, lose sight of the concept of Dignity and Integrity. SO many other things to worry about, that explaining and living with Dignity and Integrity is just too "hard". The funny thing about that is, when we, as parents lose sight of these we lose the ability to teach our children these concepts. Ultimately our children lose out.

Examine yourself and your behavior closely. Are your actions and thoughts something that you would like children (or anyone else) emulating? Are you teaching your children to behave in a way that is fair, open minded and gracious? Or are you going the "Win at all costs" route? In the spirit of being open minded and fair are you teaching your children to accept differences in the human race or are you promoting the "Different is bad" concept? Have you taken the time to explain what the meaning of Dignity, Integrity and Honesty to all children in your life? 

Dignity. Integrity. Honesty. These ALWAYS win out in the long run. It may not be to yours or anyone else's time line. However, they always win.

Ask Jerry Sandusky.

Thanks for reading! As always eat well, stay healthy and be happy!

Noise Pollution AND Common Courtesy

A word about Noise Pollution and Common Courtesy

Hi Everyone!

I hope the beginning of the summer season is being enjoyed by all! My garden is planted and in full-swing. Herbs are a little behind schedule but everything (except the brussel sprouts) is coming along!

As I was sitting out on my deck the other day enjoying a peaceful evening, suddenly a loud noise jolted me out of my peacefulness. Just some miscellaneous noise, but a noise nonetheless. And what was this noise? It was someone in my neighborhood talking VERY loudly on their phone. I looked around. Did not see anyone. Went into my front lawn and saw a man leaning on his car talking on a cell phone...HALF a block away! And, honestly, I could hear every single word he was saying. (Yes, sir, I heard the swear words too, as did most of the adults AND children in the neighborhood). 

This got me to thinking about all of the unnecessary sounds and noise we hear every day. All of the unnecessary sounds from people to machinery that really, truly count as "Noise Pollution". 

Websters defines Noise Pollution as "Environmental pollution consisting of annoying or harmful noise."  My first thought was to find out what the biggest culprits in this are. Well, they are the transportation industry and the construction industry. Very obvious culprits. Most of would guess those. However, after reading up on it, I learned that our oceans and forests are being inundated with noise pollution as well. Serious issues for our sea creatures AND land creatures who rely on their hearing for hunting, communication and navigation are happening. According many studies noise pollution is among the most pervasive pollutants today!

I think we are all well aware of when we hear loud cars and machinery. We know it affects us negatively...perhaps even clouding our hearing temporarily. However, I think we also do not realize there are many other forms of noise pollution.

Music...I LOVE music. As you all know I am a Music Educator/Teacher. However, I can say when I am in a car and feel that bass beat from a car, I am always so frustrated. WHY does it have to be that loud? In my mind that noise pollution to ME. Annoying? Yes. Harmful? Why, yes it is.

Loud Talking on Cellphones... This is a common complaint of many people. How many times are you in a restaurant, bookstore or common area and all of a sudden hear someone practically screaming into their cell? This is so unnecessary. For those of you wanting to have personal conversations in public on your cell, keep in mind the microphones in your phones do not require you to yell. They will pick up a normal tone of voice! (I was in a restaurant the other day and heard a man giving his credit card number to someone on the phone!!!!! Seriously!!)

Conversational Loud Talking... I know this sounds small, but when you're with a person there really is no need to be speaking in loud tones to the person. If you are having a fight or disagreement- take it home. None of us want to hear it.

85 decibels. This is the level at which it is recommended to wear hearing protection.  Conversational speech is marked at 60 decibels. A pin dropping? 10 decibels. A motorcycle? 100 decibels. Cap gun? 155 decibels.

Now, after all of these stats etc... I have to say, I just think most people don't have a clue as to how loud they are being. Snapping gum... crinkling your plastic bottle...slurping/eating loudly...screaming into your cell phone... It just looks like we are becoming less aware of the people around us and how inappropriate and rude some of our actions are. We seem to be letting Common Courtesy just fly out the window. 

So, let's all try to "take it down a notch". Be aware of your surroundings and the people around you. I don't want to hear your cell conversations. I really don't want to hear your gum snapping and slurping. 

Take Noise Pollution DOWN a notch and take Common Courtesy UP a notch. It makes for happier AND healthier people.

"I have often lamented that we cannot close our ears with as much ease as we can our eyes."  ~Richard Steele

As always thanks for reading! Eat well, stay healthy and be happy!!!!!

Trust...Patience and your "Footprint"...

Hi Everyone!

I hope you're all enjoying this fabulous spring weather! Summer is just around the corner and just thinking about the craziness in schedules and events I thought it might benefit us all to think about trust and patience.

I have a 19 year old (OMG!!) and trust and patience has been the cornerstone of how my daughter and I relate. I also teach (see previous blogs!)...trust and patience (especially patience!) is a MUST for any kind of teacher.  The "trust" part I'm pretty good at! However, when it comes to patience??? Oh man!!!!!! I am ALWAYS looking for some usable tips on how to rein my IMpatience in!!!

Below I have compiled a list of steps to create trust and patience in your lives. As usual, take what you need and discard the rest. If you cannot use any of it..toss it!!!!! Take a look..

(1) Stop doubting yourself. When you notice that sneaky little doubt sliding into your thoughts...tackle it and throw it out! You do not need it! It's a bad seed!

(2) When something goes right celebrate! Celebrate your awesomeness!!!! Don't be that person that always sees the things that have gone wrong and never acknowledges the things that go right. There is ALWAYS something "right" somewhere. Sometimes it may be harder to find...sometimes it is right in front of you. Appreciate the good (Oh yes, that car just gave me a courtesy wave! WOO HOO!).

(3) When it is not right...let it go. Let the universe do its magic. Yes, sometimes we have to look to the future...mortgage payments, putting food on our table. But that person who snubbed you this morning? Let it go. Use your energy towards something positive. Dwelling on slights and the bad things that have happened is not positive. Bottomline-sometimes you just gotta "suck it up" and go on. It's not easy. Sometimes you get dealt a hand that seem insurmountable. Sometimes there is something just so wrong...and no one sees it. You have to keep going. Look up. Paste that smile on your face. Take a deep breath. Take a step forward. Then another...then another...

(4) Trust that what you need is out there. Trust the universe to be heading you in the right direction. If you cannot find it you are not looking in the right place. Keep looking! Be a Nancy Drew...or a Hardy Boy (personally, I thought Shaun Cassidy was hotter!!!...Yup! Just seriously dated myself!).

(5) When you are in need-ask for help. If you need something ask for it. Example: you are cooking dinner and you need someone to set the table...ASK someone to do it. If you need something, and do not ask for it how do you expect to get it? There are very few people out there nowadays that can read minds...

(6) Not to sound morbid or anything, but think about when your time here is winding down. It's time for you to move on to whatever is next (Heaven, other worlds etc...) What do you want to leave behind? How do you want to be remembered? Did you leave "Good" or "Not-So-Good"?  I want to know I left some good. I want to be remembered as being compassionate, kind, and fair. I want to be remembered as having helped someone, somewhere in a positive way. I would like my "Footprint" to be the footprint of kindness.

What kind of "Footprint" do you want to leave behind?

Thanks again, for reading!!! As always, eat well, be healthy and stay happy! Oh, and one more...practice kindness!!

Today...

Today many things made me happy. Trying to choose one is ludicrous!!! (Did I just use that word???) My Music Enrichment Class went fantastic! It is challenging and I spend a lot of time preparing, however, it is definitely worth it!

The picture I have posted pretty much represents my feeling on today's happenings!

I am settling to watch some NCIS and start my new book by John Irving (my second favorite author!)...So goodnight!!!!!!

The Importance of Music in our Lives

http://crytivo.com/

Hi Everyone!

Last year I began this blog with the intent of writing about my escapades (and the Master Gardener's) in the garden...hoping to add a little humor to the whole process. After the gardening season ended I thought it would be good to transition into a type of blog that tries to help see the good in life and promote happiness. I have talked about a lot of issues that I believe are important to promote a state of well-being not only physically, but mentally as well. I have not touched on the spiritual aspect, however, it's coming!

My thought for this blog was to transition back into the gardening area and get back into telling everyone about our gardening issues. However, I have seen quite a few people beginning blogs on this topic and honestly, I am not an expert on gardening. The Master Gardener (my husband) is much more knowledgeable than I am! I just like poke some well-intentioned fun at our escapades. I will continue to do that, however, my blog will focus more on the physical, mental and spiritual well-being as it has from last Fall.

As the title suggests I would like to talk a little about Music. From my previous blogs, I have written about what I do for a living. My job is Music based in everything I do. Glee Club, Musical Theatre Workshop, Voice Lessons/Vocal Coaching, Music Enrichment for the Eagles (SEASPAR), SEASPAR Choir, Voice Lessons and Music Mania...THAT'S my job. And every day I walk into class I am always amazed at the effect music has on every individual I have in class. Sometimes it's subtle and sometimes not so much. But I can tell you with absolute certainty that music affects EVERYONE.

Just a few facts about having music in your life:

-Music provides an avenue for people to express themselves when words are difficult.

-Music has the ability to to organize and reorganize cerebral function where it has been damaged.

-As a musician(voice OR instrument) adjusts to changing tempo's, notes, patterns, phrasings and feeling the brain becomes adept at organizing itself(thoughts) and handling numerous activities at one time.

-Musical training has been proven to improve how the brain processes the spoken word.

-A Columbia U. study revealed that students in the arts are found to be more cooperative with teachers and peers, more self-confident and better able to express their ideas.

-With music in schools, students connect to each other better-greater camaraderie, fewer fights, less racism and reduced use of hurtful sarcasm.

-High school students who participate in band or orchestra report the lowest lifetime and current use of all drugs.

-The skills gained through sequential music instruction, including discipline and the ability to analyze, solve problems, communicate and work cooperatively, are vital for success in the 21st century workplace.

These are common benefits that every Music Teacher, every Music Therapy instructor and every Musician knows. We ALL know this. And it's not just limited to benefiting children. Adults have the same reactions to music that children do. Think about it...play a couple different types of songs. Think about how they affect your "mood". When you're working on a big report/presentation for work, put on some music in the background. What happens? Well, what happens is music accesses a different portion of your brain...the creative area...VERY helpful when "creating" anything (from a report to a presentation to a letter...ANYTHING!)

My last week was filled with:

-A Musical Theatre Workshop performance where 16 young girls learned 9 musical numbers, dialogue, dancing, singing and how to conduct themselves professionally on stage. They were FANTASTIC!

-A Voice Recital where 9 of my students each performed 1-2 vocal pieces as a result of their work over 10-12 weeks. AMAZING!!!

-SEASPAR Music Recital where my Choir(Glee Club) and Voice students absolutely KNOCKED IT OUT OF THE PARK on performance day! 

Between all of these groups there was almost 30 participants! And seeing how they conducted themselves, how they performed, their ease of being in front of a lot of people was positively inspiring! 

Asking a few of them what they would do if they could not have music in their lives I was met with shocked faces and a "what are you crazy?" response. 

Music is everywhere. Listen carefully. Even in the forest preserves you can hear the birds singing. Sometimes what you do not think is music is music to someone else's ears. (Personally, AFI kind of escapes me...but I think Mozart escapes some people too!). Whatever your taste in music expand on that. Or try something new. There are wonderful concerts in the park, Ravinia, the city of Chicago has some wonderful venues for music. Why not get out there and try some this summer? Maybe you will find some different music you like or maybe you will enjoy your own personal favorites. You never know.

If you do not have music in your life right now, take the time to add some. I guarantee you will not regret doing this. 

Music is for everyone. And everyone should have music.

Thanks for reading! As always eat well, stay healthy and be happy!

(*For more information on any of the groups I work with or any of the classes I teach please drop me a note!)